pantyhose and paychecks

I recognize this need to beautifully package some kind of theme in order to blog. Perhaps the readers of this blog would prefer I just use it as a pure communication tool of updating on our life here. This blog has never been that, but it could be that. So, hey, reader, express what you'd like to read. And I'll write that. 

We moved into the flat previously mentioned just over two weeks ago now. We really love it and I promise to post photos soon. It's not all perfect and we are currently boxing with our landlord (another post entirely), but everyone has reassured us that all landlords are bad words and that there is no good landlord. So, fine, we will become better boxers. We had dinner with friends last night who shared us their landlord nightmare. I couldn't tell if it comforted me in that "it could be worse" or terrified me to think "it may get worse." Indeed it is getting worse, but I have hope it will get better. 

As some of you know, I had a very miraculous email exchange that has lead to me working here in London. For me, especially in the particular situation where his arose, I consider most miracles to be gifts from Mom and she outdid herself on this one. On HER birthday, nonetheless! In 2013 when I lived here as a second year law student, I worked for a human rights law firm and they had this immediate need for some paralegal work. I started just two days after we landed in London. 

It's a dream job in many ways and I feel completely powerless to complain when this fell out of thin air without me lifting a finger. Not to mention how many of my friends have been slaving over application after application after application and are still jobless. However there is a balance between having a job and having a good job, or more importantly, the RIGHT job. 

I was hired on a temporary, project only basis, for not great pay. Obviously I was so thrilled to be employed within two days of landing without submitting a single job application, I didn't care! As the project has dwindled down after five weeks (it was initially thought to be about two weeks only), I've felt my intolerance for uncertainty absorbing substantial mental energy. But I'm hoping for some conversation with the managing partner that results in a permanent job offer. Lots of prayers. 

In the meantime, it's been a lot of fun to get paid for legal work for the first time ever and soak in the new experience. I learn so much about British culture from work. There is another American in the office, and several American trained attorneys so its a very welcoming environment. There are no cubicles so we all just work right next to each other at adjoining desks. I feel part of a team thats working on some really cool projects, and I'd love the opportunity to stay there!  

You are very TALL

There is an intriguing cautious line that has been taunting me at work. I try not to be overly reflective, but it's been difficult for me to ignore where I was this time last year. This time last year I was in Rwanda, a country that taught me so many things, challenged and stretched me. I suppose this is the value of a true experience - a gift that keeps giving, keeps teaching.

Working for IJM, I learned to be bold. I learned how skilled I actually am. I learned to appreciate that I am a valued asset to an office. I learned that I did not need to be told what to do; I needed to seek out things to do. I observed a group of people that worked tirelessly toward improving anything and everything around them despite the odds and challenges fighting against all their efforts.

Our clients at Christian Legal Aid have no other resource or other option.

On one hand, I am a stupid law student with mediocre grades at a run-of-the-mill law school. I have little experience, and I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I am not bar certified, I have not taken several key required courses. I have little experience with the California court system. I have never been in poverty or in the awful situations my clients are in. I am impatient and get frustrated when speaking with a mentally ill client who cannot express herself very well. I am not an attorney! I have a long ways to go.

On the other hand, I am an American law student with a lot of experience. I survived Rwanda for Pete's sake! I know how to Google. I have a computer and a working printer with ink and paper. I can read a court document and begin to fill it out. I can encourage a client. I have a smile to offer. I can ask questions that lead me to answers as I continue to research for a solution. I can learn. I am more of an attorney than I am not an attorney. I have no straightjacket on.

Our clients have no other resource or other option. If I can't do it, nobody can. And so I am a can-do almost- attorney. There is no other choice. Thus, you also are a can-do person. You are a person of great assets, of great resources, who can be of great assistance. Get out there and give someone whatever you have to offer. Don't say 'oh well.'  Further, we believe in someone who is the great I AM. And so, when you are feeling crippled by all the things you are not, hold fast to your believe in the I AM. And through Him, you can do ANYTHING. This is how law school teaches you- by throwing you into the deep end and watching you struggle to doggy paddle until you wake up to realize you're actually swimming just fine in an olympic race.

So this is a plea for you to fight the line between feeling like you "can't" and just standing up and getting it done. A few travel friends and mine always say, "Figure it out!" when we are traveling. Whatever challenge, obstacle or bridge you have to cross, you CAN DO IT.

And for those out there who you think you cannot help, the smallest thing you have to give could be the greatest thing they've ever received.
It is a powerfully humbling thing to be a part of.
Join in.

Is she normally this pale?

Every time I think I am going to get better at blogging, something absurd gets in my way. I had a lovely birthday celebration with all my friends in Madrid. It was really awesome. Literally everyone I know in this city was able to join us. Cande (my roommate) had some friends in town so the afternoon of my birthday, we took them to a traditional Spanish place and had awesome food. We headed to a literary cafe for a glass of wine and then came by the house to get dressed for dinner. 17 of us met up at this Mexican restaurant. Other than the queso being incredibly disappointing, the meal was WONDERFUL. The rest of the night was random and a lot of fun. Beatriz, one of the members of my Biolase family here, even surprised me and showed up! It was a great time.
Monday came too soon and by Tuesday I was sick as a dog and feeling like death. I barely survived the entire day of work, but somehow I managed. One of the teachers visiting the school with a group of British students, looked at me then back at my boss and said, "Is she normally this pale?" in her little British accent. That's when I knew I was really sick. Today, I was suppose to go to Segovia on a field trip with all of them but that totally didn't happen. I have the worse case of tonsillitis I've ever had and could barely swallow when I woke up this morning. After much rest, I was able to make it to the ER to ask for antibiotics. With Rx in hand and Amoxicilin in my system, I am already feeling a lot better. Not sure yet if I will try to go to work tomorrow or not, but regardless I certainly have a weekend of rest and taking it easy ahead of me. Nothing makes me miss Mom and home more than being sick. It's really awful to feel so miserable. I think the worst is over though thankfully!
I have submitted 14 law school applications and that feels really great. I still have some work ahead of me on applications but Ive got a best friend coming next week and a vacation to the Canary Islands to look forward to!!