gotta learn to let me go over the rainbow

In less than a week, I will be moving back to Madrid. For me, a five week trip feels like a long vacation, but for others, five weeks is moving. So I will settle with somewhere in between. As I get ready to go back to Madrid, I find myself lost in a sea of thoughts about where I was when I left that city and who I was, what I was looking forward to, what I was leaving behind.

So much of my life in Madrid was like a fairy tale. I was living out a dream to live abroad. I was speaking a language I love. I met incredible people. I was traveling all the time. But I also didn't feel fulfilled. I hated the feeling that my most unique skills and passions weren't at work. I was acutely aware that that life wasn't real life. But for me, Madrid is a very special place. I left a large chunk of my heart there.  I have to agree with Amos Lee, we all need a place that we can go and feel over the rainbow. One of those places for me is most certainly Madrid.

I am filled with energy, excitement and enthusiasm about returning. I will live with my old roommate in our old neighborhood. I will see all of my closest friends many of whom have left Madrid but will be returning for a special reunion in July. I feel unbelievably blessed to be able to go back. It's like the stars have aligned. I'm speechless to think about it all coming together. It's no longer a plan or an idea, its real. I am returning to one of my favorite cities. I cannot believe that I get to show Brian another piece of my heart. In Spanish, that last sentence would translate into a verb that actually really means "teach." I will teach him about that piece of my heart, teach him about that place that I called home, that city that taught me. In just six days, I will be roaming my favorite old streets, eating favorite foods and... it's overwhelming all of my senses.

"Well I walked over the bridge, into the city where I lived and I saw my old landlord. 

We both said hello, and there was no where left to go cause his rent I couldn't afford

Well, relationships change 

and I think it's kinda strange how money makes a man grow

but the people on the street, on buses and on feet - we all got the same blood flow. 

we all need a place that we can go and feel over the rainbow!

sometimes, we forget what we got, who we are and who we are not. 

I'm in love with a girl who's in love with the world

though I can't help but follow

though I know that someday she is bound to go away and stay over the rainbow

gotta learn to let her go over the rainbow."

-Amos Lee, Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight 

 

Leap and the net will appear

“How can you sleep at a time like this? Unless the dreamer is the real you.

Listen to your voice, the one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue.

Leap and the net will appear

I don’t wanna wake before the dream is over

I’m gonna make it mine

Yes, I wanna own it.

I’m gonna make it mine.

I keep my life on a heavy rotation, requesting that its lifting you up, up, up and away and over to a table at the gratitude café.”

-Jason Mraz, Make it Mine

Driving on my gorgeous commute down PCH with the Pacific ocean in my left lane this morning, I had a realization. When people ask me what law school taught me, what I really learned, of course I can answer with torts or civil procedure or how to brief a case. But what it’s really taught me is how to get past something so huge that you never thought you could accomplish. There have been so many moments in the last year and a half where I’ve been nearly completely crippled by the recurring thought, “I cannot do this.” When not only could I do it, but I did.

This isn’t a post about all the spectacular things that I’ve managed to accomplish, but instead about what YOU can accomplish. For those moments when you think there is no clarity for the future, when you think that there’s no way something is going to work out, that you are completely incapable of doing what you’ve been asked to do, you are wrong.

As a few of you know, last semester left me feeling deflated, worked to death and quite unhappy despite an abnormal showering of blessings and joy. So, I decided to do something to fix it. I was annoyed at how things were going to work out, and with a lot of support from great people, good ole fashioned prayer, and a miracle of communication, the new plan is 1000 times better than the old plan. As a dear friend of mine reminded me a few days ago, it’s never a good idea to fall in love with your plan. Keeping that in mind, let me tell you, I am really in love with this plan.

I’ve accepted a job for June in Los Angeles working in legal aid, which is an area of the law I’m very passionate about. There are hundreds of thousands of people in Los Angeles who need simple, quick advice from an attorney and who cannot afford it. I’ll be helping ensure they have the opportunity to speak to an attorney for free, while also learning a little bit about practically every area of the law. I’m thrilled. It’s through an organization I’ve been volunteering with for about a year, and I know I have a lot to learn from those who have dedicated their careers to those in great need. As you may remember, I had planned on working for the Los Angeles District Attorney, and I am still doing that, but now in the fall.

What about July, you ask? Ah, now, here’s the big news. I’ve been accepted to a program in Madrid. Yep, the same Madrid that I’m madly in love with. Spain. A third (or sixth?) home. I’ll be taking classes for credit on European Union human rights and international law. I’ll get enough credits to hopefully be part time my last semester of school, which will give me even more time to job hunt.

I am sitting proudly at the gratitude café, and can’t wait for all the exciting things that lie ahead for the summer!

Leap and the net will appear.

my favorite people, part 2

Fabio- Fabio is top five of my favorite students and one reason why I would consider staying here another year. He is super intelligent, hilarious and just... Awesome. I don't know what else to say about Fabio other than you have to meet him. When Ansley did, she literally asked if she could take him home in her suitcase. He is THAT great. I have that class with him and another student and I love them both, especially their banter back and forth. They are a pleasure to teach.When Fabio is speaking and he runs into a word he can´t think of, he makes this adorable face like he is trying to literally squeeze the English out of his brain. It makes my heart melt every time. Seriously, I want to take him home with me. I teach his older brother too and I am always talking about how much I love Fabio, the 12 year old who acts 28.

Nacho-Nacho, short for Ignacio, is my Spanish teacher on Mondays and Wednesdays. He loves his job and I love people that love their job. He is an effective teacher by always having conversation topics, splitting up the class in ways that are interesting and always managing to explain complex grammar in a way I actually understand. He makes himself laugh and is always making us laugh too. The two hours of class usually go by pretty fast. If I was studying more often, I am confident would be learning all kinds of things.

Till- Till is in his late 20s. I have Spanish class with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. he's almost always my partner for work and studying. He works for the German embassy and is the least German-German I know. Unlike class with Nacho, class on Tuesdays and Thursdays drags on and almost kills me. But Till cracks me up with little jokes in Spanish or English. A few times we have gone out for a drink after class and really enjoyed chatting. He moves every few years with his embassy job and has amazing international tales to regale me with. He speaks perfect English, his Spanish is great, Fluent in French and when he leaves Madrid in the summer to move somewhere new, he will probably pick up that language without much hassle. He inspires me to keep dreamin' cause I just may see them come true.

The entire working crew of The Alamo- this little restaurant is where I enjoy a glass of wine and have lunch almost every day during the week. Its a family owned place and though there have been some changes in who is working there, I love the people who have stayed the whole time. My days have been crazier and I haven't taken the time to go there as frequently in the last few months, but I definitely miss it when i don't. The food is delicious, I am greeted with kindness and familiarity and the Spanish chatter is a bonus. They say things like, "what would you like to eat today, beautiful?" and "have a nice meal, beautiful" and I think everytime, "I can't leave this country where I hear I'm beautiful so frequently!"

Caesar - Caesar is a teacher at the high school where I work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Though not a daily thing, usually the other "native English speaker" (because we were referred to as los nativos the other day and i thought it was hilarious) and I venture down to the teachers lounge for a coffee with a lot of the other professors from different departments. Caesar teaches Marketing and is one of the most animated people I have ever met. He is always trying to capture a few English phrases but mainly we sip on our coffee chatting about more or less absolutely nothing and I love that. Last week, he told me that the best beaches are in Malaga and for the Holy Week he will be there at a resort by himself. He invited me to join him on his vacation and I just laughed for a few hours afterwards with Ryan about how ridiculous he is. Someone you have to meet!

Ana- There are about 900 women named Ana that I work with at both of the schools. This Ana is the woman who makes all the copies at Las Canteras. She is always asking me if I like Spain and making small talk about the weather or the song on the radio. I have never seen her without a smile on her face and from what I have seen her job entails manning the front desk of the school and making copies for all the teachers. But her real job is brightening everyone´s day and being one of the nicest people in this country, or at least that´s what I am convinced.

I think one of the best things about traveling is who you meet on the journey. This weekend, on our adventure to the Basque country of Spain and France, we met some really incredible people. Its an awesome thing when you meet someone that LOVES their life, LOVES what they do and LOVES where they live. It´s such a breath of fresh air and a great reminder to follow in their steps by radiating the passion that you have caught from them. Such passion for life and work is beautiful and contagious.

i may sound like a mother... but EW....

to enlighten you on some facets of my culture shock that still SHOCK me daily.

i absolutely cannot stop myself from cringing when i see one of the following things:
-dredlocks
-facial piercings

-a single dredlock or long braid protruding from semi-normal hair

-jeans sagging so low they may fall off at any given second
-conversely, jeans so tight that i am wondering how the person vacuumed into them is breathing
THESE ARE NORMAL THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY AND ITS DISGUSTING.

i cannot grasp the lack of respect, sense of time and schedule, disorder and complete ignorance of any normal behavior in these schools. i cannot believe there is no dress code. its remarkable i dont have nightmares about what these kids will be wearing in the summer! if i see cleavage and its 10 degrees outside, seriously, i am terrified about summer!

one of my kids came to school wearing this tshirt and i remember getting DETENTION for having a white undershirt on under my navy blue polo. on "college tshirt day" someone got saturday school for wearing the alabama tshirt with "rammer jammer yellow hammer give em hell alabama" on the back because it said "hell." i know i went to private school and all... but seriously. i asked him what his mother says when he wears that shirt and he said, "she doesn't care, profe!" oh, really??!! unbelievable.

because there is no time between classes on the schedule, everyone is always late somewhere. it blows my mind. every day its like i have to relearn how abnormal it is not just to be on time, but to think anyone else would be on time. and by "not on time" i'm talking what stephanie would call "late." which is OVER ten minutes LATER than i'm suppose to be there.
the concept of a syllabus could really go a long way over here. and by that i mean, every student would be failing and/or expelled by week two.

"public displays of affection" does not quite accurately describe the PDA that occurs in every corner of public spaces, on the metro, on the streets, and worse of all, on the escalators. while you are just trying to stand there on the temporary step, the couple in front of you is exchanging saliva and attempting to eat eachother's tongues as if this is the LAST chance they will ever have to do so in their ENTIRE LIFE! as if, when the escalator ends, they will no longer be allowed to touch. instead, there is usually another escalator, where they continue their touching, again, centimeters from your face. its torture. really. the PDA is just as bad at the schools. there is hand holding in class, lap-sitting, petting during recess and all i can think is, "EWW" the entire time! ES UN HORROR!

you can gamble at any and every restaurant here. there are slot machines in every restaurant/bar. yes. yes. and its quite disruptive when youre trying to read the newspaper and enjoy a nice meal.

of course for as many things that i think are totally crazy and ridiculous, there are just as many things i absolutely love. but, just to give you an idea of what i get to stare at on a regular basis, i hope you enjoyed the images provided. i really do obviously CRINGE every time. ew, who knew facial piercings had so many names.

people I love in my daily life here

I thought this week instead of a post about my week, I would do things a little differently and let you get to know some of the people I interact with regularly.

two cleaning ladies- these two ladies are always chatting me up at JF (the high school where I work on Tuesday and Thursday). one has a daughter with plans to go spend a few months in Massachusettes. we've yet to communicate what city but she always asks if there are gangsters there with guns. every time I assure her no and that there are dangerous areas in every city but that I'm sure whatever city in "MasssaaaaCHUUUshhiitts" she's going, it will be safe there. one day I revealed I will be going to law school next year and they now think I'm just below celebrity status. when I explained I didn't know where I would be living but maybe NYC or LA, they kept repeating back and forth, "we know a New Yprk lawyer!!" uhh, not yet ladies but you can come visit me if that's what I end up being. they also mention coming to visit my office with a window over looking the statue of liberty every time I run into them. they speak so fast and while cleaning/mopping/etc, gossip pours out of their mouths. it seems like their main job is running the rumor mill and spreading the most controversial news. they must be good friends because they even carpool to an from school together. I love them.

Two ladies who look like sisters at LC (the Monday and Wednesday high school)- these women wow me every time I see them. there are maybe five or six disabled students at LC. I have two in my classes. one of whom can get around with her walker remarkably well though it appears as if each step is a struggle. she's smart and participates in class. the other disabled student I have is pretty "rough off" (even though even that seems terrible to say). he really has extreme difficulties communicating in Spanish and relies completely on someone else pushing his wheelchair and collecting his things. one woman tends to him full time all day. she miraculously understands him when I can't even make out that he is saying words. her patience and soul are solid gold. it appears to be her sister who does this for another one of the disabled boys. I thank God for them daily because I don't know if those boys can.

Silvia- my boss at LC- it sucks that I don't get to see her that often every time we speak it's incredible. she's an absolutely wonderful woman and I hate that I work every afternoon and I can't spend hours chatting at her house with a homemade meal. she is funny, she's always asking about my life, she worries about me when I have dark bags under my eyes and she would do anything for me.

The teachers at JF- Carmen is absolutely the sweetest, kindest, most soft spoken woman I have ever met. our schedules coincide so we have two hours where we are both in the department free grading and making lessons so we chat often. I told her I wasn't sleeping well and the next day, she had brought me these herbs that help her. she's simply wonderful. Pilar, gave me the vitamin C out of her purse one day when she said I looked like I was getting sick. she's from Sevilla and her accent, although subtle, reminds me of the hundreds of amazing memories I have in that beautiful city. Estrella is this ball of energy. she always jokes that her bottle of water is full of gin because the students would drive her past insanity otherwise. she's hilarious and always telling some huge story or flailing her arms around when she's talking about basically anything. I love her. anthony calls me speedy Gonzalez because I talk so fast. Ana is super super pregnant and looks like she may have her baby any day now. she's also super sweet and great. she's eats tortilla everyday for breakfast and I just love that. she's wonderful. and then theres marta. marta replaced a teacher who left on maternty leave in january. then, her husbands cancer came back. a week or two later, he died. a week agter yhe funeral, she was back at school. i can see her fragilty in her eyes and i see a bit of myself only someone who has experienced such a grave loss can recognize. every time we speak, i think, this must be what i use to look like. she is so strong and brave and must feel like working is the only reason why she would ever leave her bed. she was back working within a week of the funeral. there is a phrase in spanish that can only there are 11 total and I don't dislike any of them, but those are my favorites.

Cande- my roommate from Argentina- Living with someone I like has made a huge, huge difference in my life here, especially when I lay around the apartment for three straight days. Cande and I get along really well, she is an amazing cook and we offer to make dinner then split it a lot. she briefly mentioned she was thinking of moving and i was terrified. i would be really sad and lonely without her here. she's introduced me to some of her friends here and we always have a good time when we go out together. she is a great listener and a great advice giver. we've got a lot in common and i think shes one of the only blessings thats come out of living in this apartment. well, her and the brazilian that i love that moved out.


Gab- Gabriel lived with Cande and I when we first all moved in but then he found a cheaper place and moved out in november. we have stayed in close touch and still get together abotu once a week or so. gab is studying his masters in intellectual property now after getting his law degree in brazil. he is hilarious and so incredibly smart. i can tell him anything and we can talk about anything. anytime we get together is a pleasure.


Melania- wow, Melania blows my mind. shes running around crazy all the time because shes teaching as an auxiliar and also doing a masters program. she speaks four languages and always has something wonderful to say that you need to hear. shes simply one of the purest and most incredible people i have ever met. we had great adventures traveling to hungary and portugal together and im so sad that we cant travel together every weekend because shes so busy but i am so lucky to have her to encourage me to do everything i want to do and that life is too short to just sit around. shes such an inspiration!


One thing is for sure, I will miss these people when I have left here and I am determined to make the very most of the next few months of memories with them! I am grateful to be surrounded by amazing people and that these friends are just a special layer on top of great US friendships. I am already looking forward to the people I will meet in law school too!

Is she normally this pale?

Every time I think I am going to get better at blogging, something absurd gets in my way. I had a lovely birthday celebration with all my friends in Madrid. It was really awesome. Literally everyone I know in this city was able to join us. Cande (my roommate) had some friends in town so the afternoon of my birthday, we took them to a traditional Spanish place and had awesome food. We headed to a literary cafe for a glass of wine and then came by the house to get dressed for dinner. 17 of us met up at this Mexican restaurant. Other than the queso being incredibly disappointing, the meal was WONDERFUL. The rest of the night was random and a lot of fun. Beatriz, one of the members of my Biolase family here, even surprised me and showed up! It was a great time.
Monday came too soon and by Tuesday I was sick as a dog and feeling like death. I barely survived the entire day of work, but somehow I managed. One of the teachers visiting the school with a group of British students, looked at me then back at my boss and said, "Is she normally this pale?" in her little British accent. That's when I knew I was really sick. Today, I was suppose to go to Segovia on a field trip with all of them but that totally didn't happen. I have the worse case of tonsillitis I've ever had and could barely swallow when I woke up this morning. After much rest, I was able to make it to the ER to ask for antibiotics. With Rx in hand and Amoxicilin in my system, I am already feeling a lot better. Not sure yet if I will try to go to work tomorrow or not, but regardless I certainly have a weekend of rest and taking it easy ahead of me. Nothing makes me miss Mom and home more than being sick. It's really awful to feel so miserable. I think the worst is over though thankfully!
I have submitted 14 law school applications and that feels really great. I still have some work ahead of me on applications but Ive got a best friend coming next week and a vacation to the Canary Islands to look forward to!!

the home-stretch. literally.

the past few weeks have been insanely busy. i slept in today for the first time in weeks and didn't have to work yesterday so i started to relax. it hit me i am COMING HOME TOMORROW and it feels a little crazy. i can't wait to have chic-fil-A, to relax in a bed larger than this negative-twin sized one I have grown accustomed to, to have a nice shower with more than a small stream of water, never ending refills, sweet tea, 3G, long hour long chats with friends and the opportunity to crank out and finish up my law school applications. One of my recommendations has been processed and I am so thankful for that! Now, i just need the next one to come through so I can upload the essays I have spent months working on and be done with the first round. Please continue to keep this crazy process in your prayers.
I had been thinking Susan, a dear friend from UA, was coming Monday morning. Then, Saturday night, while I was getting ready to leave for a Christmas party, she called and said, "You know I come tomorrow, right??" Overjoyed, I skipped to the Christmas party with my roommate, had fun and woke up to retrieve my friend from the airport. Sunday, I did some work while she took a nap, we walked around Retiro, then we met up with Pedro and Beatriz and her kids to see Mission Impossible 924 and get some dinner. Monday, I drug Susan with me to work. She really loved my first class and wanted to slit her wrists during my second and third classes. I was like, "yes, this is my love/hate relationship with my job in a nutshell right here." It was so nice to bring her to the little village in the mountains where I work, show her what I do everyday and to have her join. The students were shy so they actually weren't the crazy animals they can be. Monday night, we made some dinner and my old flatmate came over with his girlfriend for some champagne to celebrate the end of the semester and Christmas and our friends in town. It was a nice time. Tuesday, Susan went all over the city to the museums and other touristy places with Gab's girlfriend and other Brazilian friends while I had the joy of working all day. We met up later that night and went to an Italian place after taking Susan to one of the most important sites in Madrid, El Corte Ingles. Wednesday, once again I headed to work and since I didnt have to work at my afternoon job, we met up for lunch. On Calle Princesa, one of the biggest streets in Madrid, we sat in the sun and had a very stereotypical meal- jamon iberico and queso with patatas bravas and tinto de verano. Yum. Just thinking about it now makes me consider walking back over there for round two. Unfortunately, instead of seeing the city this afternoon, I had to go to Aluche where Spain keeps the illegal immigrants as prisoners and also where you have to go to have your paperwork processed. Though not necessarily easy, I GOT MY NIE! This means I am officially legal to live here and I won't have anything to worry about to get back into the country in January, so this is awesome news. Wednesday night, I was pleased to get all my Madrilenos together at one of the most famous places for croquettas in the heart of the city. We did a tapas crawl, great food, even better wine, even better company. The night seemed to last forever but we managed to make it home on the metro and tell my roommate goodbye before her flight in just a few hours. Great success. Thursday, I was suppose to go into work but jumped at the offer that i didn't have to. Susan and i strolled around and got extremely lost in a maze of an art museum where Picasso's Guernica is hung. After my tour of Monet and his lillies in Paris, I really dont think I will be impressed with any art I come across for a long time. Today, I have absolutely no idea what Susan and I plan to do. Surely she isn't down for laying here all day, but sounds like a perfect day to me.
In just a little shake of a bunny's tail, I will be back in the great peach state. Whoohoo!

Saturday night ramblings

Is it really December 4th? Considering I spent all day December 1st thinking that it was November 31st, I really shouldn't be so surprised. This will be a short post because I don't have much exciting to say. I'll hit the highlights and for details you can comment or shoot me an email.
I am really discouraged about law school applications. I could really use your prayers and your support on this. I have done everything "by the book" and asked two very special professors to write me recommendation letters. I am still waiting on these to be turned in. I have contacted them several times the past few months and I am just really upset that waiting on these letters is the biggest barrier to completing my application as is. I really want to go to law school in fall 2012 and I feel so conflicted that being here in Madrid and trying to do everything to be there in 9 months is nearly impossible. I need to visit Miami, NY, LA and DC to get an idea of the environment, the campus, the students, the classes, etc. And WHEN am I going to do that? When I am home for Christmas, the schools will be closed. I can come back for Easter break, but is that enough time? Ughh. I still have substantial work to do on my part of the applications but I have been so complacent, so busy and completely defeated by this entire letter of recommendation business. Basically, if this next week, those letters could come in, I would really feel soo much better. I know that God's plan is GREAT and that in order to receive his blessings, I have to trust in Him, but it's just not so easy..
Work has been fine this week. Exhausting and challenging, but totally fine. This week I really had the realization that I don't particuarly mind what I am doing, but that I don't particularly want to do it for another year. If I stayed in Madrid another year to do something else, that's a different story. But to teach English to these bratty unappreciative teenagers? No, thank you. I can only do so much to make the class chill, fun and interesting. They have to try and they have to meet me half way. When they don't do any of these three things, the class is essentially torture. We have two days off next week and I will be going to Portugal. I am looking forward to the vacation. My roommate keeps saying, "I need vacation" and all I can think is, 'didn't we just have a vacation? but yeah, dude, me too. i need a vacation.'
I also had a huge depressing realization this week. I land on December 24th in Atlanta and the only thing I want is Chic-Fil-A. But it's Christmas Eve, and Chic-Fil-A will probably be closed. So I will have to wait additional days. It's honestly awful to be in a country without chips and queso, Chic-Fil-A and dryers for your clothes. Yes, those are the things I miss the most, in that order.
I was sad that my website for watching football failed me today and so I can't watch the LSU game. I hope that whatever happens, Bama still gets its well deserved chance to show off on January 9th. I was so tired on Wednesday that I skipped Spanish class and attempted to go to bed early. I even bought Vitamins I have been taking daily for fear of getting sick again. My schedule is so crazy and I really am working constantly. Of course, going to bed early didn't happen quite as planned (it never does), but I did sleep in on Friday for the first time in weeks and it was.. delicious. Yes, delicious is the exact English adjective I was looking for. I have been lounging around in an XL Alabama-Arkansas Pocket-Long-Sleeve T, and leggings. There really is nothing quite like the comfort of this outfit. You can take the girl out of Tuscaloosa, but you can't the Tuscaloosa out of the girl, what can I say?
I worked this morning (yes, on a Saturday) and then didn't do anything I had planned to do today with the rest of my day. Had a lovely deep chat with my roommate and just laughed and did nothing except compare favorite pictures and tell stories earlier. It was a lovely, relaxing day and reminded me of many, many nights like this in college with good friends, which warmed my heart.
I am looking forward to coming home.