Mimosas in the Sun

We got the news on Wednesday morning at 6am that we both passed the NY Bar!! Now we just have one more hurdle of paperwork to complete to pass the "moral character" portion of our application to the bar. We've already completed and passed the Ethics exam, and obviously the July exam was the biggest mountain to overcome. It's an incredible relief to have received this news and I have tremendous gratitude for so many of you that helped me accomplish it. I feel very emotional thinking about it. Thank you to those of you who fed me, helped me, encouraged me... All of it. Thank you the most for the prayers. God is good. Thank you. We did it. Together. 

All summer, my background on my computer was a Walt Disney quote, "it's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Sometimes at the end of a journey, it's easy to forget just how difficult the road was that got you there. This summer had a lot of dark days. I was doubtful, I was discouraged, I was beaten down. I was faced with memorizing literally thousands of laws. I wasn't scoring where I wanted to be; I wasn't improving like I thought I should. I had no gold star to show for my achievements even though I was working 10 hours a day. It was absurd. It was grueling. It was REALLY hard. 

The days leading up to July 28 and 29, I listened to "here comes the sun" about 2893748 times. The words "it's been a long, lonely winter... Here comes the sun, little darling, it's alright." I couldn't get over the irony of feeling that summer had actually been a long and lonely winter. But I had to hold on because the sun- the wedding, London, being an attorney- it was coming. 

Apparently, some study has been done where women polled overwhelmingly chose the Bar over pregnancy as the most stressful and painful thing they had ever endured. The women said they would do child birth again, but they would never repeat the bar. Besides that, you have a beautiful baby at the end when after the bar, all you have is 3+ months of second-guessing and insecurity. As Brian said, it would be like if on Christmas morning your parents said, "you know how you were really good for 3 years and you were always on the good list? Well, this year, you don't get any gifts. And all that time you were good was pretty much for nothing." 

Then, on top of THAT, I decided to have LASIK surgery. From which, I experienced very obnoxious and inconvenient complications. I also had wedding tasks that just had to be accomplished during our bar studying time. We also were trying to prepare the Atlanta house to go on the market. Oh, and, we had just moved from LA back to ATL and still had to prepare for our move to London. During the bar study months, it was impossible not to work on our visas, our flights, our honeymoon, etc. Literally, it was insane. And we did it. We did it. The wedding was beautiful and an amazing day. And now we are in London, settled in, employed, and we passed the bar exam. What?! I mean, what?! 

I catalog all of that to remember. To remember just how hard it was; and that if I can do it, you can. And that it really is "kind of fun" to do the impossible. The sun is here and it's shining and it's just lovely. 

Hope.

Do you remember the client that had the greatest impact on my summer in Rwanda? 
Well, hold on tight because this post holds little back. 

She was kidnapped, raped repeatedly and locked in a home where a candle caught on fire and burned her so badly her legs had to be amputated. Through counseling with her mother, we learned that she barely survived the genocide in 1994 and was staying in a shelter when a Ugandan man started "caring" for the women and giving them money. In exchange, he raped them. Jaime's mother was basically a sex slave for this man. When she got pregnant with Jaime, she stayed but hated suffering the man's abuse. When she got pregnant again, she finally left and left Jaime behind with her father.

When you watch the video, you see Jaime tell her story. She doesn't talk about the case, or about the intricate details of just how horrible her childhood was. She speaks of God's ability to instill hope when it seems it is lost forever.

I met her mother and father, who both abandoned her. Baraka, who speaks in the video, counseled with both of them and her father has actually been to visit Jaime and has helped financially support her. An incredible feat! I worked on her legal case against the two perpetrators. I met the principle one who kidnapped and raped her in court, and have never felt such a strange and disgusting feeling. The first guy claimed that he was under the age of criminal liability and caused us to go find his birth certificate. He was actually around 40 years old. As a legal strategy, we ended up asking the court to join the two men's cases together so that they would point fingers saying, "the other one did it" and that the Judge would see they both should go to jail for a long, long time. I do not know the outcome of the legal case, and it isn't relevant. I share this video with you because you prayed for her, because you prayed for me and my heartbreak after we met, and you pray for the incredible work that IJM does. The people and places in the video are REAL to me. I share it with you so that for four minutes, you have insight into IJM, into the emotionally charged nature of this kind of work, and into Rwanda.

Her smile is real, her hope is palpable, and her courage is astounding. I think its very possible no other client for the rest of my legal career will touch me like she did.

Please share her story, I know that I always will.

My original blog post when I first met Jaime: http://defineyourdestination.blogspot.com/2013/06/from-field-into-field.html

To read more from IJM and to donate to IJM's incredible life changing work: http://ijm.org/jamies-story

You are very TALL

There is an intriguing cautious line that has been taunting me at work. I try not to be overly reflective, but it's been difficult for me to ignore where I was this time last year. This time last year I was in Rwanda, a country that taught me so many things, challenged and stretched me. I suppose this is the value of a true experience - a gift that keeps giving, keeps teaching.

Working for IJM, I learned to be bold. I learned how skilled I actually am. I learned to appreciate that I am a valued asset to an office. I learned that I did not need to be told what to do; I needed to seek out things to do. I observed a group of people that worked tirelessly toward improving anything and everything around them despite the odds and challenges fighting against all their efforts.

Our clients at Christian Legal Aid have no other resource or other option.

On one hand, I am a stupid law student with mediocre grades at a run-of-the-mill law school. I have little experience, and I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I am not bar certified, I have not taken several key required courses. I have little experience with the California court system. I have never been in poverty or in the awful situations my clients are in. I am impatient and get frustrated when speaking with a mentally ill client who cannot express herself very well. I am not an attorney! I have a long ways to go.

On the other hand, I am an American law student with a lot of experience. I survived Rwanda for Pete's sake! I know how to Google. I have a computer and a working printer with ink and paper. I can read a court document and begin to fill it out. I can encourage a client. I have a smile to offer. I can ask questions that lead me to answers as I continue to research for a solution. I can learn. I am more of an attorney than I am not an attorney. I have no straightjacket on.

Our clients have no other resource or other option. If I can't do it, nobody can. And so I am a can-do almost- attorney. There is no other choice. Thus, you also are a can-do person. You are a person of great assets, of great resources, who can be of great assistance. Get out there and give someone whatever you have to offer. Don't say 'oh well.'  Further, we believe in someone who is the great I AM. And so, when you are feeling crippled by all the things you are not, hold fast to your believe in the I AM. And through Him, you can do ANYTHING. This is how law school teaches you- by throwing you into the deep end and watching you struggle to doggy paddle until you wake up to realize you're actually swimming just fine in an olympic race.

So this is a plea for you to fight the line between feeling like you "can't" and just standing up and getting it done. A few travel friends and mine always say, "Figure it out!" when we are traveling. Whatever challenge, obstacle or bridge you have to cross, you CAN DO IT.

And for those out there who you think you cannot help, the smallest thing you have to give could be the greatest thing they've ever received.
It is a powerfully humbling thing to be a part of.
Join in.

Wolf!

This summer I am working in legal aid. The organization seeks to help bridge the dramatic gap between those who are in need of legal services and those who cannot afford it. The deeper I move into attempting to understand poverty, the more I see that it is like a fragile collection of dominoes balancing on the thinnest and most unsturdy of surfaces. When one thing goes wrong, it all comes tumbling down. 

In almost four weeks of work, I have met fourteen clients. Every single one of them has had a compelling story to tell. As my work is winding down and I am preparing for a new phase of the summer in Madrid, it is my sincere hope to get to share many of their stories with y'all. 

One major theme that has really hit me is the incredible power of words. Two clients I've met were accused of child abuse, and both claimed that they did nothing to deserve such awful accusations. One's accuser was an ex-spouse, and another was a rowdy teenage daughter. I found myself a bit surprised at the gender assumptions I felt when the man sat in front of me telling me that these accusations were false. Yet when the woman sat in front of me crying, I found it easier to believe her words. 

The ethical challenges of dealing with clients are a major component of being an attorney. What do you do when you do not believe a client? How do you react when you think one is lying to your face? Do you write a declaration to be submitted to court when you think the story you're writing is false? Do you probe the client? Do you fail your client by being skeptical and refusing to help him just because his story has no evidence? Do you fail the next client that needs your time by spending time with someone who is not being honest with you? Thankfully I take solace in learning to navigate such gray areas by knowing these are determinations for a judge-- these are determinations for the real Judge. 

For the poorest of the poor, such an accusation is not merely a legal problem. An accusation of child abuse affects the marital relations or the divorce proceedings, it affects custody, it involves Child Services, it means time off of work which means less income and potentially losing a job upon the employer learning of such a grave accusation. It means further damage to the relationship with those children, it means needing to access a computer or resources that you do not have. What seems like one legal problem quickly multiplies and becomes four legal issues that all need attention, time, and hours spent in courtrooms. It costs money. It costs a lot of money that you do not have. 

I find it a bitter and terrifying realization to know that there is no evidence to stand against the boy who cried wolf. There is nothing that can appropriately counter the accusation of abuse, or of rape, or of cheating. Somehow the power of "He hit me" is infinitely stronger than "I didn't!" Somehow, there is no requirement of a medical exam or photos or another witness to the abuse. But there is some requirement to show that you did not do something. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that I think in order to charge or prosecute a rape victim or an abuser that we need a witness or some hard evidence. What I am saying, is that these are subtle underlying teaching moments in the fable we all grew up reading that I am just now learning. It's the opposite of the story.  The fable ends with the line, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!" The problem is that sometimes, the words are so damaging and so heavy, that no body believes the truth against a liar.