Can I ask you a question?

One of my roles at Christian Legal Aid this semester is to answer the phones. Many of our clients have mental issues, and this one woman I spoke with on Friday raised some red flags. After giving a several minute monologue about all her issues, her legal problems and her emotional struggles, I told her that she should come in to speak to one of our attorneys.

She asked how much it cost.
I explained that she would have a ninety minute appointment with an attorney for free.
She said, "Can I ask you a question. Why do you do that?"
I was really stunned. I didn't know what to say.
Her question will stay with me for a long time.
It speaks to a loneliness, a lack of faith in society, and a mistrust for anyone or anything that seems "too good to be true." Indeed, I could not agree with Joseph Allegretti more- for most criminal defendants (and for nearly all of the poorest clients), "the criminal act itself (or legal problem) is just the tip of the iceberg, beneath which are more basic emotional, economic and spiritual problems."

I am constantly guilty and completely unworthy of throwing the first stone, "will you stand by this person, this flawed and sinful human being, and speak a word in his behalf?" - this is the question true advocates answer with a bold "yes, of course."

So can I ask you a question?

The question is not "why do you do that?"

Why do you represent guilty, or why do you help the poor, it is why doesn't everybody?
Quoted Material from, Joseph Allegretti, The Lawyer's Calling, "Representing the Guilty."

Free Refills

In a derogation from my series of Madrid posts, I wanted to write again about my experience working in Legal Aid earlier in the summer. Now that I've had some time away from it, it's easier to write about the challenges of working in such an environment.

One of my last days in the office, a man came in with a family law issue. He had just sat down when he burst into tears. It took him almost five full minutes to pull himself together enough to communicate that he had a child custody issue he needed our help with. This poor man's story was very complicated. He explained to us while using nearly a box of Kleenex about his three children that are all near the age of majority. His ex-wife had sole physical and joint custody and she wasn't allowing him visitation anymore. After asking him questions and trying to assess how to best address his custody order, we uncovered that he was also in tremendous debt. He owed thousands and thousands of dollars in another custody case from a previous marriage. He told us that he had a part time job, but that his entire pay check was going to Child Services to pay this debt. He told us about his mental health issues and his battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was overwhelmed. I was out of steam from dealing with clients so similar all summer.

This was client number twenty-two for the summer for me.
I was tired, not sufficiently caffeinated and completely emotionally barren.

I started to push through all of that and resuscitate some courage. Two other colleagues of mine and I started to work through the main issue - his impending court date in relationship to the current child custody issue.

About an hour into our meeting, we learned he is homeless.
Any strength I had just mustered evaporated.
I reached a total maximum.
It was like a newborn baby when they have sensory overload so they just look away or close their eyes. It's like that was my response because I had reached my emotional overload.
I excused myself. I walked into another room, opened my computer and started calling homeless shelters.

Legal Aid is a field of unimaginable hurdles and obstacles. In our limited scope representation, its very hard for us to feel we even scratch the surface on the iceberg of issues they have.

My colleagues continued to work for nearly three hours on his case, a complete aberration for our office. They poured their heart into encouraging him, and into giving him hope for a brighter future. I was proud of them. I was happy that they had been filled that morning, when I felt so drained.

I found him a shelter that would take him that night, and gave him all the contact information.
I do not know if he went there.
I do not know what happened at his court hearing.
I do not know if he is okay.

What I do know is that when I am dry, I ask to be refilled.
And He always answers.

Wolf!

This summer I am working in legal aid. The organization seeks to help bridge the dramatic gap between those who are in need of legal services and those who cannot afford it. The deeper I move into attempting to understand poverty, the more I see that it is like a fragile collection of dominoes balancing on the thinnest and most unsturdy of surfaces. When one thing goes wrong, it all comes tumbling down. 

In almost four weeks of work, I have met fourteen clients. Every single one of them has had a compelling story to tell. As my work is winding down and I am preparing for a new phase of the summer in Madrid, it is my sincere hope to get to share many of their stories with y'all. 

One major theme that has really hit me is the incredible power of words. Two clients I've met were accused of child abuse, and both claimed that they did nothing to deserve such awful accusations. One's accuser was an ex-spouse, and another was a rowdy teenage daughter. I found myself a bit surprised at the gender assumptions I felt when the man sat in front of me telling me that these accusations were false. Yet when the woman sat in front of me crying, I found it easier to believe her words. 

The ethical challenges of dealing with clients are a major component of being an attorney. What do you do when you do not believe a client? How do you react when you think one is lying to your face? Do you write a declaration to be submitted to court when you think the story you're writing is false? Do you probe the client? Do you fail your client by being skeptical and refusing to help him just because his story has no evidence? Do you fail the next client that needs your time by spending time with someone who is not being honest with you? Thankfully I take solace in learning to navigate such gray areas by knowing these are determinations for a judge-- these are determinations for the real Judge. 

For the poorest of the poor, such an accusation is not merely a legal problem. An accusation of child abuse affects the marital relations or the divorce proceedings, it affects custody, it involves Child Services, it means time off of work which means less income and potentially losing a job upon the employer learning of such a grave accusation. It means further damage to the relationship with those children, it means needing to access a computer or resources that you do not have. What seems like one legal problem quickly multiplies and becomes four legal issues that all need attention, time, and hours spent in courtrooms. It costs money. It costs a lot of money that you do not have. 

I find it a bitter and terrifying realization to know that there is no evidence to stand against the boy who cried wolf. There is nothing that can appropriately counter the accusation of abuse, or of rape, or of cheating. Somehow the power of "He hit me" is infinitely stronger than "I didn't!" Somehow, there is no requirement of a medical exam or photos or another witness to the abuse. But there is some requirement to show that you did not do something. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that I think in order to charge or prosecute a rape victim or an abuser that we need a witness or some hard evidence. What I am saying, is that these are subtle underlying teaching moments in the fable we all grew up reading that I am just now learning. It's the opposite of the story.  The fable ends with the line, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!" The problem is that sometimes, the words are so damaging and so heavy, that no body believes the truth against a liar.