Hope.

Do you remember the client that had the greatest impact on my summer in Rwanda? 
Well, hold on tight because this post holds little back. 

She was kidnapped, raped repeatedly and locked in a home where a candle caught on fire and burned her so badly her legs had to be amputated. Through counseling with her mother, we learned that she barely survived the genocide in 1994 and was staying in a shelter when a Ugandan man started "caring" for the women and giving them money. In exchange, he raped them. Jaime's mother was basically a sex slave for this man. When she got pregnant with Jaime, she stayed but hated suffering the man's abuse. When she got pregnant again, she finally left and left Jaime behind with her father.

When you watch the video, you see Jaime tell her story. She doesn't talk about the case, or about the intricate details of just how horrible her childhood was. She speaks of God's ability to instill hope when it seems it is lost forever.

I met her mother and father, who both abandoned her. Baraka, who speaks in the video, counseled with both of them and her father has actually been to visit Jaime and has helped financially support her. An incredible feat! I worked on her legal case against the two perpetrators. I met the principle one who kidnapped and raped her in court, and have never felt such a strange and disgusting feeling. The first guy claimed that he was under the age of criminal liability and caused us to go find his birth certificate. He was actually around 40 years old. As a legal strategy, we ended up asking the court to join the two men's cases together so that they would point fingers saying, "the other one did it" and that the Judge would see they both should go to jail for a long, long time. I do not know the outcome of the legal case, and it isn't relevant. I share this video with you because you prayed for her, because you prayed for me and my heartbreak after we met, and you pray for the incredible work that IJM does. The people and places in the video are REAL to me. I share it with you so that for four minutes, you have insight into IJM, into the emotionally charged nature of this kind of work, and into Rwanda.

Her smile is real, her hope is palpable, and her courage is astounding. I think its very possible no other client for the rest of my legal career will touch me like she did.

Please share her story, I know that I always will.

My original blog post when I first met Jaime: http://defineyourdestination.blogspot.com/2013/06/from-field-into-field.html

To read more from IJM and to donate to IJM's incredible life changing work: http://ijm.org/jamies-story

Free Refills

In a derogation from my series of Madrid posts, I wanted to write again about my experience working in Legal Aid earlier in the summer. Now that I've had some time away from it, it's easier to write about the challenges of working in such an environment.

One of my last days in the office, a man came in with a family law issue. He had just sat down when he burst into tears. It took him almost five full minutes to pull himself together enough to communicate that he had a child custody issue he needed our help with. This poor man's story was very complicated. He explained to us while using nearly a box of Kleenex about his three children that are all near the age of majority. His ex-wife had sole physical and joint custody and she wasn't allowing him visitation anymore. After asking him questions and trying to assess how to best address his custody order, we uncovered that he was also in tremendous debt. He owed thousands and thousands of dollars in another custody case from a previous marriage. He told us that he had a part time job, but that his entire pay check was going to Child Services to pay this debt. He told us about his mental health issues and his battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was overwhelmed. I was out of steam from dealing with clients so similar all summer.

This was client number twenty-two for the summer for me.
I was tired, not sufficiently caffeinated and completely emotionally barren.

I started to push through all of that and resuscitate some courage. Two other colleagues of mine and I started to work through the main issue - his impending court date in relationship to the current child custody issue.

About an hour into our meeting, we learned he is homeless.
Any strength I had just mustered evaporated.
I reached a total maximum.
It was like a newborn baby when they have sensory overload so they just look away or close their eyes. It's like that was my response because I had reached my emotional overload.
I excused myself. I walked into another room, opened my computer and started calling homeless shelters.

Legal Aid is a field of unimaginable hurdles and obstacles. In our limited scope representation, its very hard for us to feel we even scratch the surface on the iceberg of issues they have.

My colleagues continued to work for nearly three hours on his case, a complete aberration for our office. They poured their heart into encouraging him, and into giving him hope for a brighter future. I was proud of them. I was happy that they had been filled that morning, when I felt so drained.

I found him a shelter that would take him that night, and gave him all the contact information.
I do not know if he went there.
I do not know what happened at his court hearing.
I do not know if he is okay.

What I do know is that when I am dry, I ask to be refilled.
And He always answers.

You are very TALL

There is an intriguing cautious line that has been taunting me at work. I try not to be overly reflective, but it's been difficult for me to ignore where I was this time last year. This time last year I was in Rwanda, a country that taught me so many things, challenged and stretched me. I suppose this is the value of a true experience - a gift that keeps giving, keeps teaching.

Working for IJM, I learned to be bold. I learned how skilled I actually am. I learned to appreciate that I am a valued asset to an office. I learned that I did not need to be told what to do; I needed to seek out things to do. I observed a group of people that worked tirelessly toward improving anything and everything around them despite the odds and challenges fighting against all their efforts.

Our clients at Christian Legal Aid have no other resource or other option.

On one hand, I am a stupid law student with mediocre grades at a run-of-the-mill law school. I have little experience, and I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I am not bar certified, I have not taken several key required courses. I have little experience with the California court system. I have never been in poverty or in the awful situations my clients are in. I am impatient and get frustrated when speaking with a mentally ill client who cannot express herself very well. I am not an attorney! I have a long ways to go.

On the other hand, I am an American law student with a lot of experience. I survived Rwanda for Pete's sake! I know how to Google. I have a computer and a working printer with ink and paper. I can read a court document and begin to fill it out. I can encourage a client. I have a smile to offer. I can ask questions that lead me to answers as I continue to research for a solution. I can learn. I am more of an attorney than I am not an attorney. I have no straightjacket on.

Our clients have no other resource or other option. If I can't do it, nobody can. And so I am a can-do almost- attorney. There is no other choice. Thus, you also are a can-do person. You are a person of great assets, of great resources, who can be of great assistance. Get out there and give someone whatever you have to offer. Don't say 'oh well.'  Further, we believe in someone who is the great I AM. And so, when you are feeling crippled by all the things you are not, hold fast to your believe in the I AM. And through Him, you can do ANYTHING. This is how law school teaches you- by throwing you into the deep end and watching you struggle to doggy paddle until you wake up to realize you're actually swimming just fine in an olympic race.

So this is a plea for you to fight the line between feeling like you "can't" and just standing up and getting it done. A few travel friends and mine always say, "Figure it out!" when we are traveling. Whatever challenge, obstacle or bridge you have to cross, you CAN DO IT.

And for those out there who you think you cannot help, the smallest thing you have to give could be the greatest thing they've ever received.
It is a powerfully humbling thing to be a part of.
Join in.

Wolf!

This summer I am working in legal aid. The organization seeks to help bridge the dramatic gap between those who are in need of legal services and those who cannot afford it. The deeper I move into attempting to understand poverty, the more I see that it is like a fragile collection of dominoes balancing on the thinnest and most unsturdy of surfaces. When one thing goes wrong, it all comes tumbling down. 

In almost four weeks of work, I have met fourteen clients. Every single one of them has had a compelling story to tell. As my work is winding down and I am preparing for a new phase of the summer in Madrid, it is my sincere hope to get to share many of their stories with y'all. 

One major theme that has really hit me is the incredible power of words. Two clients I've met were accused of child abuse, and both claimed that they did nothing to deserve such awful accusations. One's accuser was an ex-spouse, and another was a rowdy teenage daughter. I found myself a bit surprised at the gender assumptions I felt when the man sat in front of me telling me that these accusations were false. Yet when the woman sat in front of me crying, I found it easier to believe her words. 

The ethical challenges of dealing with clients are a major component of being an attorney. What do you do when you do not believe a client? How do you react when you think one is lying to your face? Do you write a declaration to be submitted to court when you think the story you're writing is false? Do you probe the client? Do you fail your client by being skeptical and refusing to help him just because his story has no evidence? Do you fail the next client that needs your time by spending time with someone who is not being honest with you? Thankfully I take solace in learning to navigate such gray areas by knowing these are determinations for a judge-- these are determinations for the real Judge. 

For the poorest of the poor, such an accusation is not merely a legal problem. An accusation of child abuse affects the marital relations or the divorce proceedings, it affects custody, it involves Child Services, it means time off of work which means less income and potentially losing a job upon the employer learning of such a grave accusation. It means further damage to the relationship with those children, it means needing to access a computer or resources that you do not have. What seems like one legal problem quickly multiplies and becomes four legal issues that all need attention, time, and hours spent in courtrooms. It costs money. It costs a lot of money that you do not have. 

I find it a bitter and terrifying realization to know that there is no evidence to stand against the boy who cried wolf. There is nothing that can appropriately counter the accusation of abuse, or of rape, or of cheating. Somehow the power of "He hit me" is infinitely stronger than "I didn't!" Somehow, there is no requirement of a medical exam or photos or another witness to the abuse. But there is some requirement to show that you did not do something. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that I think in order to charge or prosecute a rape victim or an abuser that we need a witness or some hard evidence. What I am saying, is that these are subtle underlying teaching moments in the fable we all grew up reading that I am just now learning. It's the opposite of the story.  The fable ends with the line, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!" The problem is that sometimes, the words are so damaging and so heavy, that no body believes the truth against a liar.   

from the field into THE field

There are some moments in your life that you look back on and think, “wow, that was a really defining moment in my life” and there are others that before they even occur you know they are going to be more impactful than you could ever describe. Last Friday was one of those days. On Thursday, one of the counselors in the office asked if the other legal intern (Carmen) and I wanted to go with her into the field for a counseling session with one of IJM's clients. Of course we wanted to go. Once it was cleared with our boss, we showed up on Friday morning eager but our hearts full of anxiety of the emotional roller coaster we were embarking on.

You cannot imagine what horrors this girl has experienced, and I will spare you the details of the abuse she suffered. Last week in one of our morning devotionals with the whole staff, the counselor assigned to this case told us, “I saw God today” when she described the transformation that had taken place in this girl's life because of IJM. Afterall, this exact sentiment is stated in Jeremiah 22:16, "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. 'Is that not what it means to KNOW me?' declares the Lord." To defend the cause of the poor and needy, is to KNOW Him. And surely, I also saw God that day.

We drove almost three hours to see her at a facility for disabled children, where they can live, attend school, with doctors are on site. There were about 4 warehouse-sized buildings with just beds in rows – like something you would see from a war. For almost two hours, I didn’t see a single child with all four functioning limbs. Wheelchairs with broken wheels, worn crutches, children without any control over their own bodies. It was so heartbreaking, I cannot begin to describe the pain my heart felt. But the most disturbing thing of all, was thinking about these children’s future, and how they would possibly thrive in a country where 90% of the population works directly on the land to earn pennies for a living. Multiple kids were just laying helpless in their bed screaming. Tears streaming down their faces, like their face didn’t know how to look without crying.

Please keep IJM's client's recovery in your prayers. For her health, healing, strength, and faith. IJM needs to raise enough money to keep her at this wonderful facility and for her medical treatments. I beg you to keep the IJM staff in your prayers from all aspects of IJM’s work. The investigation team is still looking for the second perpetrator in this case, as he is on the run, and his location is unknown. The legal team needs prayers as they work to prepare and build a strong case against the principle perpetrator to ensure a conviction. The IJM counseling team also needs your prayers for discernment in her trauma-focused therapy, courage, and strength in sharing love with her.

This is the “field.” This is the work that is to be done. The people to be loved. And there is so much out there. Of the thirty cases or so that I’ve read in my first two weeks of work, hers is certainly one of the most heartbreaking of all the stories, yet it is only the smallest fraction of the heartbreak that is in this world. But I refuse to end this heavy post on anything other than the BOLD courage that this girl has. Her radiating beauty, the huge smile cemented on her face that we had come to visit, her chattering away about how happy she was just to be in a better position than so many of her new roommates, how thankful she was that she was alive, and that IJM had intervened in her life.

As we drove away, it was well-past lunch time, the car was hot, I was in the far back trunk of the SUV on a very bumpy road as I was getting jerked around, one of the staff said, “so are you guys hungry? Tired? Ready to go home? What?” But as I sat in the back of that vehicle, reflecting on the last two hours, all I could manage to reply was, “I am… blessed.”