is that too much to ask?

This week I am determined to really post quite a bit. So I am just preparing you ahead of time. 

One of the current trending topics in many conversations with my friends here is concerning everyone's tentative plans for next year. I know at least five people who are trying to decide whether or not they will continue in our contract (which is technically two years and you either terminate it or renew at the end of your first year with evaluation from your institution.) And it's a shame that so many want to stay but can hardly stand their jobs. "I love Madrid, but this job really sucks. Do I want to do this (4 letter curse word) another year?" In this post, I'll attempt to better explain why we have these frustrations as Americans working with Spanish students.

I get so worked up over my students and it finally dawned on me that it's because I actually do care quite a bit. As my best and oldest students have finished their classes, I am teaching less hours in the day. My volunteering to help the stressed teachers in anyway is futile and several days in the last week, I've made the hour long commute to teach one or two classes and turn around to make the hour long commute back. Unfortunately for the limited classes I am still teaching, they're generally in the morning. I always say I am not responsible for any behavior without caffeine and/or in single digits of the morning. Well, in the case of teaching these 13-14 year old brats, I need an entire pot of coffee and an extra helping of patience with breakfast.

It just kills me how little they try. 

It blows my mind the behavior they believe is acceptable and what they get away with around the school.

Among the things I've mentioned in previous blogs, there are some big themes I have picked up throughout the last few months that I find heartbreaking. Last week, I was teaching on genres of books and talking about whether or not they read and what they read. The list of vocabulary words had antagonist, protagonist, climax, theme, beginning, ending, recommendation... among other words. After struggling through practically every genre and every word on the list, the teacher finally said to me, they don't know what a protagonist and antagonist is in Spanish so of course they don't know what it is in English. I'm sorry... what? They're 15 and 16... they don't know what an antagonist is?! "No, they don't read books." She told me. I didnt want to read books either when I was in school but I had to! I remember what feels like hundreds of book reports from second grade on. 

Many, many, many times I have encountered situations where the students don't know what an adjective does in the sentence. Or they don't know the difference between a noun and a verb. How can someone be expected to learn a second language if they do not understand their own? I have felt incredibly overwhelmed in these moments thinking, "My Spanish is so insufficient. My training in education nonexistent. How can i reach these students?! How can I teach them things they NEED to know- like what an adjective is, what the climax of a movie is, the importance of respecting someone in power (i.e., a teacher who gives you a grade or the boss who can fire your stupid butt), that no matter where you work you'll have rules to follow the rest of your life, etc.."

Days thinking of all the things I'd love tp instill in my students overwhelm me beyond words. 

I want them to learn to respect their teachers. 

To see the value in school, even if they still don't want to come, they should at least recognize its importance. 

I would like them to be conditioned to automatically WRITE in class. 

To take notes, fill in the blanks on a worksheet, write translations for words as we go over them without being begged by the professor.

I would love to see that by June 26th, they have learned even if they plan to throw the worksheet away 30 seconds after leaving the room, that they at least have the decency not to leave it, untouched on the desk. 

I'd like them to get to class within 5 minutes of when the bell rings. 

I'd like them to appreciate English and Spanish are two distinct, different languages. 

I wish they could retain at least one or two words per lesson. 

It would be awesome if they could learn to discern between words like: win, wine and wind and understand that's like assuming jaMón and jaBón are the same when they mean ham and soap, respectively.

It would really be incredible to see my students have thoughts that they can share. An answer to "what do you think?" instead of "no entiendo nada profe" (I don't understand anyyyything teacher) or "I don't know" as a response, but a real opinion of some kind no matter how broken the English is. It's the attempt and trying that they don't even manage to consider. 

This is a stacked list and surely none of these things will be accomplished.

Even one of these things is too much to ask as I have learned in the last six months. 

But I plan to add to my daily prayers these special souls that have dedicated their lives to make the above goals their profession. 

And not just those in Spain, eh? I am confident my experiences teaching here wouldn't have been that much different anywhere else. So a toast to teachers everywhere, because I do not know how they do what they do. 

Today one of my students asked me why I am not staying here next year. He said, "but don't you want to stay?" I simply said, "no" in a very flat tone. He said, "why aren't you staying?" and I said, "I have to get back to my LIFE." And I do. Now its just my primary responsibility to enjoy the time that I have left and to make the most of each day because in less than 30 days, I will be packing boxes and crossing off check list items to move to California!