so much more to life than we've been told

These lyrics so well reflect all my thoughts and feelings on my time in Rwanda.

“Farther along, we’ll know all about it.

Farther along, we’ll understand why.

So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine!

We’ll understand this all, by and by.

Tempted and tried, I wondered why the good man died the bad man thrives

And Jesus cries because he loves them both

We’re all cast always in need of rope, hanging on by the last threads of our hope

In a house of mirrors full of smoke

Confusions and illusions I have seen.

But, where did I go wrong? I sang along to every chorus of the song that the Devil wrote like the Piper at the gates leading mice and men down to their fate, some will courageously escape the seductive voice with a heart of faith, while walking that line back home

There’s so much more to life than we’ve been told

Its full of beauty that will unfold and shine like you struck gold my wayward son

That deadweight burden weighs a ton.

Go down to the river and let it run, wash away all the things you’ve done.

Forgiveness alright

Farther along, we’ll know all about it.

Father along, we’ll understand why.

Still I get hard pressed on every side

Between the rock and a compromise

Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul

And I’ve got no place left to go cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown

More glory than the world has known

Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall I’m free to love once and for all

And even when I fall I’ll get back up for the joy that overflows my cup

Heaven filled me with more than enough

Broke down my levee and my bluff

And one day when the sky rolls back on us

Some rejoice and the others fuss cause every knee must bow and tongue confess that the son of God is forever blessed

His is the kingdom, we’re the guests

So put your voice up to the test. Sing Lord, come soon!

Farther along we’ll know all about it.

Farther along we’ll understand why."

-Josh Garrells, Farther Along

I came to Rwanda full of energy and enthusiasm and miraculously I am coming home with even more. I am coming home truly at a loss for words for how I will adequately capture my summer in just a few quick sentences in response to “How was Rwanda?!” or “How was your summer?” When you ask me what I learned this summer or what my favorite thing was. I am not a fool and this is not my first time coming home from being away. I know that many things have changed and many things have stayed exactly as I left them. I know that people do not want to hear me say “In Rwanda….” 100 times nor do people want a five hour long version of what I have experienced. I’ve tried to update my blog and to upload photos, I know that it is insufficient. That is not to say that questions about my experience are not genuine, it’s just that an answer is not easy to spit back.

This is something I’ve really been wrestling with. I will miss the work, the clients, the people I met dearly. It hasn’t yet hit me that I have to go back to learning inside of a classroom instead of learning on the frontlines, learning by being tossed into the deep end and forced to swim. Surely this has been the slowest summer of my life and I have so many things to share.

My quick response could be strictly about the challenges of living in Africa. No water pressure, intermittent hot water, bouts of hours without electricity from time to time. The language barrier or the cultural differences. The 100% starches diet. It could be about the poverty, the aftermath of 1994, the ongoing struggle of life for a Rwandan. I could scratch the surface on explaining about the work that I contributed to or the great faith of those I was inspired by daily. I could also gloat about my three day safari and proudly show my pictures that look like spreads from National Geographic magazine.

This summer wasn’t really actually about any one of the above things, but it was about all of them at the exact same time. I grew a lot this summer. Like an elementary school student wearing new shoes one-size up for the first time, I am proud of that growth but I am also still a little uncertain in it.

I’ve wondered many things this summer and tossed around a lot of questions that are still left unanswered. I wonder why I was in Rwanda instead of somewhere else. I wonder if I would ever step foot in a church again if my entire family had been murdered in one but I was spared. How has my perspective on justice been changed? What professional experience have I gained? What and who will I miss the most? How have I grown spirtually? What was God trying to teach me this summer? Perhaps more importantly, did I actually learn whatever He was trying to teach me?

All I know is that this song’s lyrics are the most eloquent thing I can offer. I know that this life is full of beauty that will continue to unfold. And farther along, maybe I’ll know the answers to each of those questions. In the coming days, I can only ask that you be patient with me as I struggle to answer yours.